Theology of Ministry: Me and God
IV. Me, God, and Church
So far, I have spoken mostly in terms of generalizations on theological topics. From this point I will move to more specifics about the sense I have of my own ministry. First let me speak to my experience of God in my life’s journey.
As I mentioned earlier, my earliest understanding of God was as a Father. I understood God as the perfect Father, the one who would not abandon me and the one who would not abuse His power over me. I have always felt comfortable speaking out loud to God. When that might not be socially appropriate, I try to direct my thoughts Godward. As I have gotten older, I have begun to experience God more and more through creation, particularly through large bodies of water. I’ve always felt very spiritually connected to lakes and one of the greatest things about moving to the west coast was discovering the Pacific Ocean! While God might have been in Lake Erie and probably was in Lake Michigan, God is definitely in the ocean! I once saw a photograph that I believe was taken near the north pole of an iceberg sitting in the ocean with water vapor rising from the water. The water was existing simultaneously in all three of its forms. I thought that was very Trinitarian of the water. I have always had a fascination with nature, particularly with animals. I think I somehow experience God through them as well. I would say that the way that I most often experience God is through the love of others. It is hard for me to not interpret people’s kind words and affirmations as God caring for me. My relationship to Christ has primarily been that of mentor to student. I see Jesus as an example of how to be human and of how a human being can be in relation to the Creator. I experience the Holy Spirit primarily as guide. I am most aware of the presence of the Spirit in times of decision. I often hear it said that I am to look to see where the Spirit is leading. This is at times a hard process, but I feel it is important to be aware and alert for what might be the movement of God.
I am a firm believer that you cannot give to others what you do not have. In other words, I find it very difficult to do ministry in times of spiritual dryness. I have found that there have been times when I have needed to distance myself from ministry work in order to get my spiritual life back in line. There have been times when this realignment has been much more difficult than others. I don’t journal regularly, but I often find that when I begin to record my thoughts and feelings that it helps me to assess where I am spiritually. I have also found fasting very helpful at various points in my life.
I have found that it is difficult for me to take a passive role in the church. It usually doesn’t take me very long after I have become comfortable in a church to find a place to start doing ministry. I am a doer, for better and for worse. I have often found the church as a place of deep community. I have also experienced the church as a place of deep frustration. A lot of that has to do with pastoral leadership. I have experienced excellent pastoral ministry and pastoral ministry that I dare say was incompetent. I realize that “excellent pastoral ministry” is a subjective assessment, but I feel it is my role in a church to be a compassionate pastoral presence that enables those around me to minister in the ways in which God intended uniquely for them. Even if I am never ordained, I feel that I will always be involved in some leadership capacity in some local congregation. Though I am often frustrated with the machinations of the church, I am very passionate about its mission.
My intercultural experiences have brought me to a place of seeing the church as a place where reconciliation should happen. I have grown greatly by worshipping outside of my cultural norms. I look forward to a time when I will get to do that outside of this country. I find that intercultural experience helps to expand our images of God, our vocabulary for God, and our expressions of worship. It also reveals the faults within our own understandings of both God and humanity. For me it has also expanded those areas of hubris that I have about the ways that things “should” be done.
So far, I have spoken mostly in terms of generalizations on theological topics. From this point I will move to more specifics about the sense I have of my own ministry. First let me speak to my experience of God in my life’s journey.
As I mentioned earlier, my earliest understanding of God was as a Father. I understood God as the perfect Father, the one who would not abandon me and the one who would not abuse His power over me. I have always felt comfortable speaking out loud to God. When that might not be socially appropriate, I try to direct my thoughts Godward. As I have gotten older, I have begun to experience God more and more through creation, particularly through large bodies of water. I’ve always felt very spiritually connected to lakes and one of the greatest things about moving to the west coast was discovering the Pacific Ocean! While God might have been in Lake Erie and probably was in Lake Michigan, God is definitely in the ocean! I once saw a photograph that I believe was taken near the north pole of an iceberg sitting in the ocean with water vapor rising from the water. The water was existing simultaneously in all three of its forms. I thought that was very Trinitarian of the water. I have always had a fascination with nature, particularly with animals. I think I somehow experience God through them as well. I would say that the way that I most often experience God is through the love of others. It is hard for me to not interpret people’s kind words and affirmations as God caring for me. My relationship to Christ has primarily been that of mentor to student. I see Jesus as an example of how to be human and of how a human being can be in relation to the Creator. I experience the Holy Spirit primarily as guide. I am most aware of the presence of the Spirit in times of decision. I often hear it said that I am to look to see where the Spirit is leading. This is at times a hard process, but I feel it is important to be aware and alert for what might be the movement of God.
I am a firm believer that you cannot give to others what you do not have. In other words, I find it very difficult to do ministry in times of spiritual dryness. I have found that there have been times when I have needed to distance myself from ministry work in order to get my spiritual life back in line. There have been times when this realignment has been much more difficult than others. I don’t journal regularly, but I often find that when I begin to record my thoughts and feelings that it helps me to assess where I am spiritually. I have also found fasting very helpful at various points in my life.
I have found that it is difficult for me to take a passive role in the church. It usually doesn’t take me very long after I have become comfortable in a church to find a place to start doing ministry. I am a doer, for better and for worse. I have often found the church as a place of deep community. I have also experienced the church as a place of deep frustration. A lot of that has to do with pastoral leadership. I have experienced excellent pastoral ministry and pastoral ministry that I dare say was incompetent. I realize that “excellent pastoral ministry” is a subjective assessment, but I feel it is my role in a church to be a compassionate pastoral presence that enables those around me to minister in the ways in which God intended uniquely for them. Even if I am never ordained, I feel that I will always be involved in some leadership capacity in some local congregation. Though I am often frustrated with the machinations of the church, I am very passionate about its mission.
My intercultural experiences have brought me to a place of seeing the church as a place where reconciliation should happen. I have grown greatly by worshipping outside of my cultural norms. I look forward to a time when I will get to do that outside of this country. I find that intercultural experience helps to expand our images of God, our vocabulary for God, and our expressions of worship. It also reveals the faults within our own understandings of both God and humanity. For me it has also expanded those areas of hubris that I have about the ways that things “should” be done.
God is definitely in the Pacific Ocean! I like your trinitarian image as well.
It's interesting that I have never experienced this spiritual dryness you speak of, though, I probably just didn't have the vocabulary for it. I'm still getting used to the whole churchy way of naming things. I just call it exhaustion.
Posted by
Anonymous |
6:30 PM
I've experienced spiritual dryness as something other than exhaustion. I can still feel good when I'm exhausted. I can't feel good when I'm spiritually dry. There is no more alone feeling than to know that God can appear to you in very real ways and yet for whatever reason He chooses not to or I don't see Him. Tha's what I mean by spiritual dryness. I went through a great deal of that my first year at SFTS. Now, I can see where God was there. At the time I was miserable.
Posted by
dlweston |
11:40 AM
I understand the experience of spiritual dryness, but I would also like to add that typically for me after the time of dryness I can still see God at work during that time. I think this key of spiritual direction is important. Sometimes I find myself not being able to see God's love clearly in my life, when others can point pretty simply to such and such.
Exhaustion, for me, can be like spiritual dryness (but I agree with Derrick I think that it's not quiet the same thing). I have experienced spiritual dryness in times when I've been so busy "pouring" that I haven't been "refilled." In my life that has tended to be times of dryness as well.
Posted by
Nick Larson |
4:31 PM