Faith's Edge

First off, Happy Resurrection Day, as my folks say! Now that lent is over, I guess I don't need to feel the pressure to blog every day. Of course, I did miss a few days, but somehow I still ended the season with 43 posts. Go figure. I'll probably be changing the format a bit. There were a couple of days where I was reaching to find something to write about just for the sake of writing. Now I'll probably only be blogging when something noteworthy happens. Hopefully, my life will remain somewhat interesting and I will find noteworthy things in life.

It's nice to leave church with good stuff rattling around in your brain and in your heart. I miss that feeling. It has been great to have it back the past couple of weeks. Today, the sermon was about community, a topic that kinda connects with something I wrote about the other day.

One of the things that attracted Marnie and I here was the fact that every one we talked to mentioned what a close community the SFTS body was. In hindsight, that's fairly comical. Sure we're all in close quarters and see each other all the time, especially the first year. But the relationships you form are very surfacey. There have only been a handful of places where I have really gotten to know people or where I feel that I am really known by people. That's a huge need for Marnie and I and we've really missed it.

I think we've been trying to build community with thing we've been doing on campus. Those attempts have been artifical at best. I'm not sure why nothing has taken off, but makes me feel drained and a little sad.

The other thing I realize now is that I had a great community in Pittsburgh. Two actually. One at the Pittsburgh Project. One at the Open Door. Those were places where I both strived to know people and to be known by them. It's a very basic need, but it is huge when that need is met.

Community is going to be an important mission for the next year. We can't survive here with our hearts and minds intact without it. Possibilities are arising. There are possibilities in the future to be apart of some pretty dynamic communities. My initial focus is always on what I can give to a community, but I think I also need to focus on and be grateful for those things I get from community.

It was so great to see the sun today! I missed it so. Seriously, I can't remember a longer stretch in my life of overcastedness. We got to show my in-laws San Anselmo and Sausalito on a gorgeous sunny day. It was fantastic!

Unfortunately, today wasn't all sunshine and lollipops. In fact, there were no lollipops. Plus I had to listen to my Gospels professor deny that there was ever a physical resurrection of Christ. That gets old. I know that plenty of scholars don't believe there was a physical resurrection, but this same professor also kind of insulted us if we do believe there was a physical resurrection. This particular professor is quickly losing favor with me; a fate worse than death. Even if I wanted to give intellectual assent to the idea of no resurrection, I would never preach it. I wouldn't dream of it! Should I? I can't even imagine intimating that there was no physical resurrection from a pulpit. And what if I do believe in the resurrection? Does that make me naive? Immature? Unscientific? Ignorant? Just in time for Easter...

I don't care, the sun came out today.

Is it weird to say that I was really moved by a worship service that I designed? Well, I was. It turned out really well. I was nervous. I did some risky things: no music, focusing on sin, the whole community hammering nails into a cross...I guess you can get away with things during lent. How come we aren't allowed to experiment more here throughout the year? It is interesting how awkward the idea of confessing your sins before the community is for people. I've tried it twice now in worship and people seem closed off to the idea. I guess confession is just something you do silently between yourself and God. Of course, I don't believe that. I think there is alot of value in being vulnerable before your community. Maybe the problem is, we don't have real community here. Hmmm...

The rain continues relentlessly...well, not actually at this moment. In fact it is supposed to stop raining until tomorrow evening. Yea, a whole 12 hour break. the rain does not amuse me.

I'm glad the Wednesday worship services are done now. Planning them was really exhausting for me. I learned a ton though. I hope the community keeps up some kind of evening worship. We shall see, but its no longer my problem. That's usually what I say right before something becomes my problem...

Weird, huh? Yesterday I was writing about how great Pittsburgh was (and is!) and today I am writing about going to Portland. Any other cities folks would like me to write about? San Francisco, maybe?

Anyway, Marnie and I are going to visit Portland next week to meet with some pastors about a possible internship for the summer. The internship site is the Presbyterian Urban Network (PUN, for short...seriously, that's what they call themselves) it is actually a consortium of about a dozen small urban churches in the Portland area. Combined they have a membership of just over 200. They have realized that if they are going to survive they need to collaborate on programs and ideas. They don't actually have alot of programs up and running, so I would get to help design some.

I'm hoping to pair this internship with working with Mission Bay Community Church during next school year. Neither is a very traditional internship, and being a fairly untraditional guy, that suits me just fine. What I'm surprised with myself about is that I'm looking to work at two churches (well actually way more than two churches if you considered all the PUN congregations). For all my misgivings about the way church is done, I'm not sure I'm ready to give up on it (for non-profit work or acadamia, for instance) I think the church is still Christ's body working in the world, we just need to allow that body to grow, mature, and stretch. The organizations are flawed. The ministers are faulty. The congregations are jacked up. But the church (universal) needs to be recovered. Part of me wants to find a brand new paradigm, but that new paradigm would alienate just as many people as the old ones.

The church is still needed, now I need to see if the church needs me...

Here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the happiest place on earth! Well, maybe not the happiest, but certainly the greatest. This is Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I partly put this on the blog to test out the new scanner, but also because this is the place I'm anxious to get back to. Marnie and I have been talking alot lately about being homesick. I think I have been so much longer than she has. What makes Pittsburgh so great (other than the 2005 NFL Champion Steelers) is the people. There is a very high quality of life in the city because of the people. There are great people in this city who have nurtured my faith and challenged me. I'm looking forward to raising my kids here.

It's probably time to get a picture of my handsome mug on this blog. I'll start working on that.

Going to church happens so rarely for us anymore that when it does happen, it is an event. It looks like that is going to start to change for us. It couldn't have happened at a better time. Today it was a very positive event at that. It was good to play. Good to worship.

The sermon was good too. There are some issues going down at the church I attended and the pastor addressed them from the pulpit (as it were) with alot of transparence, humility, and grace. It was very well done. He also used a clip from 'Saved' which made it all the more awesome!

Palm Sunday: Jesus rides into town to people screaming for him like he's the Beatles. In five days they'll be screaming for his head. It's sad how quickly we identify with Jesus ("people in my life are so fickle" ) instead of identifying with the crowd.

Last night I went with a few friends to this place in San Fran called Teatro Zinzanni. It was basically dinner and a very extravagant show all rolled into one. It was pretty frickin' awesome. I was worried about getting my money's worth; no problem there. The band and dinner alone would have been worth the cost. Then when you add all these amazing gymnasts, acrobats, dnacers, and actors/comedians....it was pretty incredible. I honestly didn't expect to be that entertained. Very good stuff! If you are in downtown San Francisco, I'd highly recommend it.

I'm pretty excited about playing bass tomorrow. I'm nervous as well. Last time I was at Mission Bay, I thought the bass player was pretty good...better than me anyway. I'm excited to play, but it's hard not to compare myself to other bass players.

There is a commercial on for a kids diaper. the actors are probably between the ages of 5 and 10. They're gonna regret doing that some day.

Speaking of commercials, the one that the UCC is running just came on as well. Its not incredibly well done, but it makes a good point. Some "undesireables" (gays, unwed mothers, etc...) are sitting in a church and being ejected from the church. The point is that on't happen in the UCC. It's sad that they had to make that commercial, but I'm glad they did. I hope its a messgae the church latches on to.

Yesterday we had left over bread from doing communion at the evening service. Marnie put it in a plastic bag and labelled it "body". I snacked on some of it this afternoon. Surreal.

After today, I feel like someone should be placing a championship belt around my waist. (I would settle for the intercontinental championship) It was a rough week with alot to do, but I feel like everything got done and got done well. I don't always feel like that so its nice when it happens. The sermons and papers are done for now so tomorrow night, I party. Some friends are going to this weird theatre in San Francisco. It better be fun. We're spending way too much on it.

I'm a little worried about one of my friends here. He seems to constantly wallow in self pity and lately it seems like he is getting more and more sensitive. It makes him hard to talk to. Tonight he kinda stormed out of the coffee shop after someone poked a little fun at him. Nothing mean spirited. I need to figure out how to be a better friend to him without enabling the self loathing. It's amazing how well I can do at the test that don't matter and totally screw up the ones that do.

That doesn't mean I'm giving up my belt. I stilled rocked most of the day!

I actually have alot to write about tonight, but I'm tired and I dn't want to. I have to get up early tomorrow and finish my stupid preaching paper (and my stupid preaching sermon).

I had a movie idea today. I won't share it just yet, but I was so happy! It's the first time in a long time that I've had an idea for a movie I'd like to make. I used to keep a little notebook full of film ideas. i don't know what happened to it.

I bought an amp for my bass today. I actually have a place to play the next couple of Sundays. That's fun for me. I guess now that I'm investing in this thing I need to start practicing.

I got cornered today after chapel by Phil Butin, the seminary's president and the reason I'm here and Charles Marks, the seminary's chaplain and the reason I've stayed. They don't want me to do an MA. They said it over and over and over again. Little did they know (before i told them) that I have come upon some good internship opportunities and probably won't be switching to the MA program. Still, being cornered like that makes me want to switch out of defiance.

Tonight's service went well. They're alot of work to put together and they're still not a style I necessarily like. Oh well, people are worshipping God, that's all I care about.

Oh, did anyone else see the article about the scientist who is trying to prove that Jesus walked on ice, not water? Hi-larious! Frankly, I want don't want to worship a guy who walks on ice. The only guys I can think of who spend alot of time on ice are hockey players and ice skaters and neither of those groups are worthy of adoration. At least not from me. On the otherhand, think of the evangelistic outreach possibilitie this story could open. "Mommy, let's go see Jesus on Ice!" (like History of the World Part One, only with Jesus instead of Hitler....I'm going to hell)

Well, goodnight everybody.

So today I got one of the coolest packages that one can receive in the mail. About a month or so ago Marnie and I went to wine country. We visited this place that did a wine tasting where they paired the wines with foods. The food was amazing and the wine was pretty good as well. It was also pretty cool because the family that owns the winery is originally from Pittsburgh.

Anyway, maybe it was the wine, but Marnie and I decided to join this family's wine club. Today w got six, count 'em, six bottles of wine through UPS! How awesome is that?! We'll get another six in the fall.

Tonight was a good night. I decided to take the evening off from the copious amounts of work I have to do so that I could crash on the couch with my amazing wife and veg in front of the tv. Two of my favorite shows come on Tuesday night. Don't judge me, but one of them is Gilmore Girls. Its a very well written show and Lauren Graham is hot. The other is Scrubs, one of the few shows that I can actually say I started watching before it became cool. There was a new show on called Teachers tonight. It blows. It wasn't funny at all. In fact we were pretty sure they stole a joke at the beginning of the show from Gilmore Girls, only Gilmore Girls did it better. On the upside, it did have Kenny (Bud) from the Cosby Show on it. That, of course, didn't make the show any better.

The rain has started up again. Someone should have told me how close we were to Seattle when I moved out here. This must be there doing. Doesn't matter, the Seahawks still lost.

I obviously have nothing else to talk about...

Today one of my favorite profs did one of my least favorite things. He read one of my peer's papers as an example, more or less, of what not to do. I hate that! I think that is humiliating and completely unpedagogical (if that's a word). What did I learn from him doing that, other than that seemingly cool old guys are capable of being huge dicks! It really really ticked me off!

I get really upset sometimes with some of the arrogance that comes across some the profs here. At some point their opinions became above reproach. That must have been great for them when that happened. Sometimes just looking at the assignments, the amount of reading that is expected, the tone of lectures...all of it just reeks of hubris...

...(sigh) as does writing a blog full of your opinions. That's what worries me. I see the same hubris in me sometimes. More often than I'd like to admit. I've fooled some people into thinking that I'm a pretty humble guy. Let me set the record straight, I'm not. If only you knew how highly I think of myself. Sure, there are things thatI'm not good at. I can't play bass like Flea (I'm listening to the Chili Peppers) i can't sing like...anyone. I'm probably pass my athletic prime (though Marnie and I have been getting back into shape). Point is, though I am aware of things I can't do, I'm also very aware of the things I'm good at. Sometimes that simple acknowledgement of skill can be the beginning of going down the slippery slope towards arrogance.

My goal is balance. Balance between acknowledging God-given skills and gifts (emphasis on God-given) and having the attitude that was in Christ (Phil. 2). That's a tough one. It must be especially tough for professor types. Still, that doesn't excuse calling out a student in front of a class.

Well, that's all my musing for today. I have to go finish some hubris-inspired assignments. Of course, being the amazing student that I am...

Damn it, did it again!

I would like another chance to have spring break. Is that okay? Maybe a week with less rain. About 72 degrees? Oh, and could Marnie also have the week off? That would be great!

I'm not looking forward to this upcoming week. It's just very busy. I have a paper due tomorrow for gospels. That's mostly done, but I pretty much plagarized my OT exegesis paper. (isn't it great that Jesus quotes the OT!) I have a sermon and a fifteen page preaching paper due on Thursday (how do you write a paper about preaching? why are we the lucky first class to get this horid assignment?). I have to plan the next two wednesday evening services. And if that weren't enough I have tons of bitching and moaning left to do!

Okay, it really isn't that bad. I just had all of these things hanging over my head all week so it wasn't very restful. I'm very apathetic for it only being midterm. And for me only being a middler. I can't believe I have to do another year of MDiv school. I can't believe I'm thinking about doing more school! What is wrong with me?!

Tomorrow, I will begin the second half of the fourth semester of seminary. Weird. I thought I was gonna learn stuff here...

The big issue being discussed in politics this week was immigration. I don't have a ton of opinions on this subject other than that it is hypocrisy to close our borders when immigration is what this country was built on and diversity supposedly what makes this country great. The big issue to me is that we're not investing in Mexico. If we did that, Mexicans wouldn't need to come here to find opportunities. That's a very narrow view, as my wife pointed out to me, but that would be a start. Certainly with the families that have been seperated already, just investing in our neighbors to the south isn't a cure all. I know in post 9/11 America it is nonsense to say that we don't need tight security at the borders. That's probably not realistic. But we should do things that make it easier for people to work here and maybe even for them to become citizens. Personally, I also think the rest of us should make more efforts to learn spanish. Like I said, I haven't read alot or even thought much about this issue. I've certainly thought more about it since being in California. Still, if you want an argument against immigration, look no farther than California's governor. Nope, I take everything back. Close the borders, seal them tight!