Faith's Edge

Without seeming like I'm pandering to the fact that my soon-to-be internship supervisor does read my blog from time to time, I have to say that I'm excited to be out of my current internship and into the next one. Don't get me wrong, I've had a blast this summer in Portland. I've learned alot about myself, ministry, the PC(USA), the capital 'C' Church, etc... I've gotten to be self-motivated, self-guiding, self-sufficient and that's great.

I haven't really been supervised. That has plusses and minusses. I like the freedom. I need the acountability. While I've been treated like a colleague, I don't really feel like I'm on a team. I like working with a team. I haven't had much room for theological reflection other than the little bit that I do here, which isn't much at all. I've been doing tons of reading this summer that I will never discuss with my seven supervisors. Seven supervisors. What was I thinking? What were they thinking? It's like reporting to the Jedi Council every week. They're kind of distant and wouldn't really know if I was going to the dark side or not. until it was too late and I stormed the presbytery meetings with clone troopers ... I probably shouldn't put my fantasies into writing.

i'm looking forward to being in one place, with one supervisor, with one personality (I think?), and one set of expectations. I'm really excited to be serving one community where I can actually get to know people's names (something I'm not good at without youth group style name games) and actyually be apart of people's lives.

In other news, it's hot here. Really hot. Marnie and I are going to the Oregon coast the next couple of days to escape the heat for a bit. With all this heat creeping across the country, you have to wonder if Al Gore is onto something with this whole "global warming" thing he's invented. I have to say, he was far more helpful when he invented the internet.

Well, I should go pack for the beach. Stay cool!

Today is my half-birthday (meaning I've been twenty-six for sixmonths now). It is also about halfway through my summer internship. Though I don't really have much to reflect on as to the nature of being a 26 year old in today's society, I do have alot to think about in terms of being halfway done with a fairly unique and intense internship.

Realizing that I will only be here another five weeks or so, my expectations have been refined. While I would say that much has been accomplished, I won't actually "finish" much this summer. I have to be okay with that. I have preached three pretty good sermons. I've helped the PUN pastors to think about ways that they can be more engaged in their communities. I have had conversations with folks outside of the church about faith and religion. I guess those are accomplishments.

In following the lectionary, I preached on II Corinthians 12:1-10 this past week. Paul talks about the "thorn" in his side that keeps him humble. There have always been debates as to what that thorn is. I'd like to throw a new theory into the ring: the thorn in Paul's side was time. Anyone who truly engages in ministry (and loves people) probably wants to be freed from the confines of time. To have more time to do the work that God has uniquely created for them. In the declaration that "My grace is sufficient for you", God is reminding Paul that while he is bound by time, God is not. The peace to know that God is not hampered by time as we are is truly an extension of grace.

The best thing I can do in the next five weeks is to establish relationships. That is really all I've done since being here, and according to my mid-internship evaluation, that seems to be making people happy.

Speaking of which, some interesting reflections came out of my evaluation. Stephanie pointed out that the PUN pastors really treated me like a colleague and that that was the best thing that come from an internship. An interesting perspective. It's true, I have been treated very much like a colleague of the pastors I work with. My gifts have been appreciated for probably the first time since I left Pittsburgh (by someone other than my wife), which has been very empowering. i don't know about you, but I want to work harder when I'm appreciated.

The other interesting thing that came out of the evaluation was the question of how I'm dealing with the responsibility/expectations that come with being a pastor. I described the feeling as being like wearing a suit that is too big for you. in general, I think I've handled it well. The weirdest thing is actually hearing people refer to me as a "pastor". That has happened several times since I've been here. It feels strange, but I guess that's what I'm here for.

This Sunday I think I got the compliment that meant the most to me. My preaching has overall been very well received. This Sunday there were three older African Americans at the church where I preached. The pastor of the church had invited them to hear me preach. One of them was a retired pastor and the other two had been very involved in ministries for a long time. To hear them say how much they appreciated my preaching meant more to me than I can probably articulate here. I've always had a little bit of anxiety about preaching to a certain demographic of African Americans, so to see them nodding along and smiling throughout my sermon and then to receive affirmation from them was huge for me. Does that make sense?

Anyway, there is much more to do. Thank God that He will be in Portland long after I'm gone (and was here long before I came)!



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Happy Independence Day!

As a codependent, I am more prone to celebrate the arrival of my wife here in Portland for the rest of the summer than a patriotic holiday, but oh well.

On Sunday we went to one of the churches that is part of PUN. I suppose it was only coincidence that I would end up at the most conservative of the churches on the weekend preceding the fourth. It was agonizing. We began the service with the pledge of allegiance. I'm actually quite surprised I remembered the thing! Of the five hymns that were sung, four had a patriotic tinge to them. I felt dirty.

Saying the pledge in church is quite against my nature. I certainly don't consider the republic (for which it stands) as one of my primary allegiances. God, Family, friends,...okay. I'll pledge allegiance to them. The poor, the outcast, the oppressed...I'd love to pledge my allegiance to them!

It got me asking the very basic question of whether or not patriotism of this kind belongs in church. For the congregation I was in, it was obviously meaningful. For me, it was only upsetting.

Don't get me wrong, I love America. I wouldn't want to live anywhere else. Except maybe Canada or Australia. Anyway, I love the freedom I have here. I love the doors that are open for me. I don't love America's history or the ahistorical way in which super-patriotic people address the greatness of the country. I don't like what America is and is becoming on the global stage, which is nothing more than a bully in the world's playground. I don't like how America treats its poor, its children, its elderly. I don't like how America handles its diversity.

I critique America because I love it. I want it to live up to its potential. I want it to be the becon that some say it already is. I want their to truly be liberty and justice for all. I am invested in America and its future. I've never had a strong draw toward foreign mission (not on a long term basis anyway) so I believe that my minstry will play itself out in this country. I'm invested in this country's cities, its people, its future.

What I'd love to see is other countries praising America instead of us praising ourselves. I would love for us to take a step back from being world police and let the nations tell us where we can help. I'm not talking about isolationism. Just not imperialism. I want America to rebuild its credibilty abroad. John Kerry said that alot and that was one of the few things I agreed with him on. Wars have tarnished our reputation.

I'd love to believe that God still has a great work left to do in America. I hope that great work isn't accomplished with its decline.

My neighbor is an immigrant. He's quite patriotic. America offers him opportunities he would not have in his country. Its funny how we're trying to close the door to the people who will really love this country and recognize its promise. Spoiled kids like me don't love America as much because I haven't had to work as hard. Maybe if America became a place where we all felt like we were serving and had to serve again (like the World War II generation feels) than maybe we'd love it more too. People love a country when they have to work for it. I haven't had to work for America, it was handed to me.

I don't think through my posts before I post them. Always stream of consciousness.

So I don't know if what will help for me is to become more a servant of my country, thus working harder for it, or if I want my country to do something for me that its not doing. JFK said "Ask not what your country can do for you..." you know the rest. So what can I do for my country?