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Wednesday, October 11, 2006 

Theology of Ministry conclusion: my call

V. My Call
I feel called to some form of pastoral ministry. I feel called to serve those who are in physical need, those who are ostracized from mainstream society, and those who are without a voice in our society. I also feel that I have a call to be a missionary within a postmodern North American context. Part of my call is to work towards genuine racial reconciliation, not just racial assimilation. I honestly don’t know where these things will take place for me. I have found something of a comfort zone within alternative worship communities. The church I attended in Pittsburgh prior to coming to seminary was an emerging/missional worship community that became a crucible for much of my ecclesiology. I have also enjoyed work in the non-profit arena. I have often wondered whether or not my call is to be a tentmaker. I often feel that so much of the integrity of the church is compromised by having religious professionals. Another place where I have a sense of passion is around the arts. As a film student and amateur musician, I have been greatly impacted through the arts and I have witnessed the arts being used to great effect in the spiritual lives of others.
I believe that ministers should be outspoken in the public arena, particularly in places where we perceive public actions as being unjust. There are times when a minister must act as community organizer. There are times when the minister must act as advocate. There are times when the minister must act as the conscience of the state, to paraphrase Martin Luther King Jr. It is not the minister’s role to publicly criticize someone’s private affairs. It is not the minister’s role to publicly endorse a political candidate, though they should give counsel on issues. I say this because, for better or for worse, many people perceive the minister’s voice as the voice of God. I think it is dangerous for the public to see a candidate as sanctioned by God.
Strengths and Growing Edges
I often feel that one of greatest strengths for doing the kind of ministry I described is that I am passionate. That can both be a strength and a weakness. Passion can be a motivator, but it can also increase the sting of events that might be perceived as failures. One strength that has been acknowledged in me is that I can give challenging messages in loving ways. I feel that this is a huge gift because I believe that people need to be challenged in their faith, but they also need to be affirmed. One area that I always feel challenged in concerning ministry is that I am an introvert. I am not a high introvert by any means and I consider myself to be fairly outgoing, but I often find myself being drained by long periods of social interaction.
I enjoy getting to know people. I love to hear their stories and when I have an opportunity, enjoy sharing mine. One of the things that I really enjoyed this past summer was sharing my faith with my neighbors in Portland. I was very different than the caricature of Christianity that they had in their minds. It actually became a benefit to share with them that though I shared some of their displeasure with the church, I still maintained my faith. Another place where I have discovered some skill is in being able to get new projects started. One of my challenges is that I often need a lot of encouragement to sustain those things that I begin. Discouragement is something that I struggle with, though it usually does not take much to re-encourage me.
I think any ministry that allowed me to get outside of the church and work in the community would be a good fit for my gifts and skills. This is not to say that I don’t have skills that would be conducive to effective parish ministry (because I do!), but I think the better use of my skills is a representative of the body of Christ in the community or public arena. I also think I could thrive doing new church development and/or church revitalization. I have had exposure to both of those kinds of ministry. They seem to take an entrepreneurial spirit and I think I have that.
I know that I will be challenged by doing pastoral care work. I am generally a good listener, but my hope is to develop as a healing presence for people. I have yet to do CPE, but I am fairly certain I will after I finish seminary. My hope is to become an even better listener and to increase my compassion. As I work with people, I continue to struggle with how I handle criticism. I tend to internalize negative criticism far more than I do positive feedback. Though I am generally a relationship-oriented person, another place where I will be challenged is those places where I need to be task-oriented. When I do become task-oriented, I often do so at the expense of those closest to me. I can also become something of a workaholic when I enjoy my work, often losing sight of the emotional and physical drain on myself.
I think that spiritual direction will be a big part of my self care after seminary. Being an introvert, I need time to process things. If I do not have that time, issues get internalized and go unresolved which sometimes leads to bitterness and resentment developing within me. My second year of seminary this happened and I believe it may have even been partly responsible for the long illness I had in the fall of ’05. Shortly after I got better I received pastoral counseling and spiritual direction for several months and it made a world of difference in my ability to process my thoughts and feelings. I think without that, I am liable to burn myself out...

It ends without resolving....

Personally I think you would be a great pastor/community organizer. I think you could be really effective at getting diverse groups together to get things done. It seems to be your passion anyway and connects with many different threads you describe in this paper.

of course it doesn't resolve, it's not done yet!

one of my classmates also mentioned that it ended abruptly. I guess that's true, but it's not like my theology of ministry is complete or every will be this side of eternity.

Again, I appreciate that you took the time to read all of this and I hope it is helpful for you when you write yours. I also appreciate your comments here. I don't think I really knew what I wanted to do with my seminary education when I came in. I can't say that I know for sure now. i will say that I can now see myself in the role of a pastor a little more clearly. That excites me! Who knows? God might have anything in store for all of us. We just have to be open to it.

It does seem somewhat unfinished but I feel that is due to your search for direction at the current time (which i actually see as a good thing). Wouldn't it be scary to have someone "finish" their theology of ministry before they are doing it? I see the paper as being able to be finished much closer when you "retire" or whatever.

Derrick, I want you to know that I apperciate your gifts and talents for ministry and it is exciting for me to see you getting excited about pastoral ministry!

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