The search for community
First off, Happy Resurrection Day, as my folks say! Now that lent is over, I guess I don't need to feel the pressure to blog every day. Of course, I did miss a few days, but somehow I still ended the season with 43 posts. Go figure. I'll probably be changing the format a bit. There were a couple of days where I was reaching to find something to write about just for the sake of writing. Now I'll probably only be blogging when something noteworthy happens. Hopefully, my life will remain somewhat interesting and I will find noteworthy things in life.
It's nice to leave church with good stuff rattling around in your brain and in your heart. I miss that feeling. It has been great to have it back the past couple of weeks. Today, the sermon was about community, a topic that kinda connects with something I wrote about the other day.
One of the things that attracted Marnie and I here was the fact that every one we talked to mentioned what a close community the SFTS body was. In hindsight, that's fairly comical. Sure we're all in close quarters and see each other all the time, especially the first year. But the relationships you form are very surfacey. There have only been a handful of places where I have really gotten to know people or where I feel that I am really known by people. That's a huge need for Marnie and I and we've really missed it.
I think we've been trying to build community with thing we've been doing on campus. Those attempts have been artifical at best. I'm not sure why nothing has taken off, but makes me feel drained and a little sad.
The other thing I realize now is that I had a great community in Pittsburgh. Two actually. One at the Pittsburgh Project. One at the Open Door. Those were places where I both strived to know people and to be known by them. It's a very basic need, but it is huge when that need is met.
Community is going to be an important mission for the next year. We can't survive here with our hearts and minds intact without it. Possibilities are arising. There are possibilities in the future to be apart of some pretty dynamic communities. My initial focus is always on what I can give to a community, but I think I also need to focus on and be grateful for those things I get from community.
It's nice to leave church with good stuff rattling around in your brain and in your heart. I miss that feeling. It has been great to have it back the past couple of weeks. Today, the sermon was about community, a topic that kinda connects with something I wrote about the other day.
One of the things that attracted Marnie and I here was the fact that every one we talked to mentioned what a close community the SFTS body was. In hindsight, that's fairly comical. Sure we're all in close quarters and see each other all the time, especially the first year. But the relationships you form are very surfacey. There have only been a handful of places where I have really gotten to know people or where I feel that I am really known by people. That's a huge need for Marnie and I and we've really missed it.
I think we've been trying to build community with thing we've been doing on campus. Those attempts have been artifical at best. I'm not sure why nothing has taken off, but makes me feel drained and a little sad.
The other thing I realize now is that I had a great community in Pittsburgh. Two actually. One at the Pittsburgh Project. One at the Open Door. Those were places where I both strived to know people and to be known by them. It's a very basic need, but it is huge when that need is met.
Community is going to be an important mission for the next year. We can't survive here with our hearts and minds intact without it. Possibilities are arising. There are possibilities in the future to be apart of some pretty dynamic communities. My initial focus is always on what I can give to a community, but I think I also need to focus on and be grateful for those things I get from community.
Ok, so I've been reading your blog, but I'll stop lurking to comment.
I found my time at SFTS to be some of the loneliest years of my life. I had a few friends, but most relationships were as you say, "surfacey" and so conditional. I too went to school thinking, "I will find a tribe" only to be disappointed. I think you are wise to look to find a community--and it's a good thing that you've had it modeled for you so that you don't buy the "we are community" line the school sells. For so long, I thought I was the crazy one. It took leaving to alter that perspective. (Although Kat might tell you I'm STILL a little nutty. Heh.)
Anyhow, if you and Marnie make it to Portland next summer, feel free to look us up on the coast. We are less than 2 hours away from the city (easy, pretty drive) right on the Columbia River and only 20 minutes from the Ocean. We'd love to meet you and hang. :)
Posted by
Anonymous |
9:59 PM
Wende, if it makes you feel any better I've visited your blog as well. I haven't gotten up the courage to post anything yet. I get the distinct feeling that you don't remember me. We didn't talk much, but we were in Rambo's "Jesus: Images and Experiences" class together. I used to enjoy listening to you and Garrett banter. It's not like there are tons of african american males walking around here. Anyway, Marnie and I are actually headed to Portland this weekend, but it looks like we've got a pretty tight itinerary. But the things are looking good for this summer and we'll let you know.
You're certainly not crazy in terms of not finding community here. Real community, anyways. At best, it seems that most people here treat their classmates as casual acquaintences. At worst, competitors.
I hope you are finding what you need in Astoria.
Posted by
dlweston |
12:15 PM
Heh... I remember you from Rambo's class! But I didn't think you would remember me as white women are a dime a dozen at SFTS. :) Although, come to think of it, perhaps not so many with my penchant for snarking. :) Heh.
Funny, I'm in Portland over the weekend. I'm going to a conference -- the great Barbara Brown Taylor--Friday night and Saturday. Portland is a great city--you should have fun.
Post away at my site--I don't have to know you to post... you should see the spam I get! :)
And I meant it about looking us up this summer. I lived in Seattle for YEARS w/o ever seeing the Oregon coast--if you've not done it, it's worth the trip!
Posted by
Anonymous |
5:22 PM
omg, i'm the yenta of blog commenters! i will not be in portland this weekend, btw, in case any of you are wondering. i will be preaching on...something...instead.
community at sfts is a myth. well, i suppose there are some people who consider there to be a community here, but i really don't enjoy the company of thsoe people. they seem to have some deep emotional problems of the less-personality-than-a-paper-towel variety.
oh, and derrick, wen is still rather off her rocker, but it's in a fun, giggly, sliding-off kind of way.
Posted by
Kathryn Craven |
2:11 AM
Takes one to know one, Kat!
And sanity is overrated. :)
Posted by
Anonymous |
12:38 PM
i build community in my own way - with alcohol and chocolate. smores and cab sav - stat!
does anyone other than doctors ever say "stat?"
Posted by
Kathryn Craven |
1:16 AM
Community at SFTS just doesn't exist in the "classic" ways, but call me an optimist, i think it does exist. I don't think it comes from classes or living in close contact. It exists when we make ourselves vulnerable.
I have met a decent handful of people here at SFTS that I consider part of my "personal" level of community (i think that's the 2nd level)...see Joe Myers book called "the search to belong"...I have friends that I would trust with valuable vulnerable information. But that trust comes from time and effort spent on it.
It's taking it outside of the false ideas of class and official "community." For me some of the people that I've been able to connect with, such as spouses of seminary students. I understand how the relationships here can stay on the "surface" I really do, I have plenty of those.
But I understand that there might be something about our class (the 1st years) that is different. I just try to make myself vulnerable to others and trust that something will grow deeper because of it.
Posted by
Nick Larson |
1:35 PM
did you wear yourself out posting so much during lent?
feel free to post something else...sometime. you know, when you're ready.
Posted by
Kathryn Craven |
12:32 AM
How was Portland last week? I thought of you as I bummed around the city after the seminar. :)
Posted by
Anonymous |
11:03 PM
Nick, thanks for your comment and for the example of impromptu community on Friday.
Kat, sorry I've been slacking off.
Wende, Portland was awesome! There is about a 95% chance we will be there this summer. We'll look you up when we get there.
Posted by
dlweston |
3:57 PM