some thoughts on fasting
After today, I have gone through two different one day fasts for the lenten season. I just wanted to write a couple of thoughts about the experience.
My parents' church emphasizes fasting alot. therefore, I've had alot of experience doing it. When I used to fast, I focused on what God would do for me (either in physical situations or in my spirit) because I was fasting. As I got older, fasting was something I started to do to help me make big decisions. Fasting seems different now. When I fast now, I have a hard time not thinking about people for whom hunger is a perpetual problem. I know that I am fasting out of choice and usually surrounded by lets of easily accessible food. There is some guilt for me now when I fast. I hate that feeling.
Some time ago, someone said to me that when you fast your body feels what your spirit feels when it is not being nourished. My spirit must feel awful! It might be ready to pass out. We had a chapel service this evening and all I could think about was how much I miss God. Imagine if I were to spend a year and a half talking about how important my wife was to me; I write well thought out papers about her, I analyze the historical and social circumstances that existed when she said certain things, I develop deep philosophies about her nature, yet I don't spend time with her. Partially because all of my study of her has made me see her in a new light and I don't know how to deal with her on these new terms. (That was all an analogy by the way. Marnie and I are fine!) My point is that is where I am with God right now. Maybe that's what fasting brought out for me today.
I miss God and I don't know how to reconnect. My spirit is starving and I'm not sure how to feed it.
My parents' church emphasizes fasting alot. therefore, I've had alot of experience doing it. When I used to fast, I focused on what God would do for me (either in physical situations or in my spirit) because I was fasting. As I got older, fasting was something I started to do to help me make big decisions. Fasting seems different now. When I fast now, I have a hard time not thinking about people for whom hunger is a perpetual problem. I know that I am fasting out of choice and usually surrounded by lets of easily accessible food. There is some guilt for me now when I fast. I hate that feeling.
Some time ago, someone said to me that when you fast your body feels what your spirit feels when it is not being nourished. My spirit must feel awful! It might be ready to pass out. We had a chapel service this evening and all I could think about was how much I miss God. Imagine if I were to spend a year and a half talking about how important my wife was to me; I write well thought out papers about her, I analyze the historical and social circumstances that existed when she said certain things, I develop deep philosophies about her nature, yet I don't spend time with her. Partially because all of my study of her has made me see her in a new light and I don't know how to deal with her on these new terms. (That was all an analogy by the way. Marnie and I are fine!) My point is that is where I am with God right now. Maybe that's what fasting brought out for me today.
I miss God and I don't know how to reconnect. My spirit is starving and I'm not sure how to feed it.
i highly recomend rodeo beach. it has helped me and many other a seminarian. sunset is particularly lovely.
Posted by
Kathryn Craven |
7:03 PM
It is unfortuante that when I first read your comment I thought "rodeo" as in riding bucking horses. I thought that might be awkward on a beach...
Anyway, that might not be a bad idea. I do connect to God through nature at times. As pretty as San Anselmo is, it has become mundane for me. I might need to get some distance from this place. Thanks for the suggestion.
Posted by
dlweston |
8:56 AM
as in rodeo drive pronunciation it apparently is. it's all rocky and cold and rugged and such. god and i have had a few, shall we say, chats there. actualy i was there for the conversation that started my blog off if you want to go back and read it.
i am a blog grandma.
Posted by
Kathryn Craven |
12:02 PM