Faith's Edge

So oddly enough, this former film student achieved his book reading goals for the week and not his film watching goals. I'm getting soft.

Anyway, The Church Enslaved is an excellent book. While I don't think it has all the answers for dealing with race issues in the church, I do think it offers some unique perspectives. What is interesting is the final few chapters' focus on spirituality. It discusses contemplative prayer as a means of being able to see the image of Christ on those around you, black or white. They also get into alot of African spirituality. I won't go too deep into it here, but they identify the primary sin of the western church as individuality. In african spirituality (which has carried over into african theology) salvation is corporate. The goal of spirituality is to find yourself in the midst of and in the context of community. None of this "my personal savior" jargon that we throw around. I found that interesting. In theology we discussed salvation being corporate only briefly, but this might be a good move for the church to start making- towards corporate concepts of salvation.

Another concept from African theology that they discussed, and this connets with the contemplative prayer, is the idea of sacramentality. In short, instead of just seeing bread, wine, and water, as visible signs of invisible grace, sacramentality is seeing people, plants, rocks, the whole created order as visible signs of grace. Again this speaks to the interconnectedness of living things. Contemplative prayer is a means through which we are able to see the image of God in others.

The book ends with what feels like a plug for mission year. It is a mission organization that gives participants an immersion experience in an urban setting. The usually white participants go into a neighborhood where they are the minority. The work and serve and offer prayer with and for their new neighbors. They get hooked up with churches and support the leadership in the neighborhood without taking any leadership themselves. It's a great ministry (I know several people who have done it) and it offers a possible ew paradigm for thinking about interracial interactions and leadership dynamics.

I hardly scratched the surface here, but it is a quick read and definitely worth your time. Plus if more people read it then we can discuss it together...

I just read on NFL.com that the Howard "Red" Hickey passed away this week. Mr. Hickey was the inventor of the shotgun formation. For the unintiated, this is where the Quarterback stands several yards behind the ceter (and subsequently several yards behind the line of scrimmage) and the ball is snapped to him like a punt. In theory this gives the passer more time to find an open receiver before he gets pummeled. He called it the shotgun formation because it shot wide receivers out into the open field as if they were being fired from a shotgun. (a question I was just pondering the other day while playing Madden '06). If it were not for Mr. Hickey, the lives of all of us football fans would be minutely different. That is one minute difference I do not want. Godspeed, Red.

I've pretty much given up on spring break '06.

Anyway, jst a brief post for now anyway. So the book I began to talk about yesterday by Michael Battle and Tony Campolo is called The Church Enslaved: Spirituality for Racial Reconciliation. "Spirituality" is the word I couldn't remember. I'm flying through it and depending on my plans for the evening, I should finish it tonight. The author's make a pretty interesting statement about what is required for churches to become integrated. Their solution is that white churches send members for their churches to become members of black churches. I found this solution surprising and intriguing. I would love to hear what people think about this. I think there would be a great strength to white people submitting to black spiritual leadership, but I also recognize that there is plenty of room for bitterness and resentment to pop up in this scenario. What would be gained by this migration? What would be lost? Is this idea way to farfetched?

Pondering...

Within the last couple of hours the sun has decided to grace us with its presence. Big whoop, it's still cold. This is why people go to Cancun! Well, and I suppose for the illicit drinking and sex...but the weather certainly makes all that other stuff easier.

I should have clarified whe I made my spring break goals that the two books I hoped to finished had already been started awhile ago. I finished one yesterday. It was Stories of Emergence- a good book, but something occurred to me...most of the stories come from people who were in very evangelical or completely areligious backgrounds. I happen to know that mainline people are emerging as well. I would have liked more of their stories. The second book I'm reading- The Church Enslaved: ...something about racial reconciliation (by Tony Campolo and Michael Battle)- mentions that alot of the roots of today's modern religious racism is in the very evangelical churches that have been co-opted into very conservative ideologies while the mainline churches have traditionally been more left leaning. Is there a connection there? Are emergents just becoming liberal? That's probably too simplistic of an explanation. Especially since I do know of emergin mainliners and I guess I am one myself. Still, I'm learning more and more how social problems, especially those related to the church, are interconnected. It makes sense that those who would be exclusionary in social matters would also be exclusionary in theological matters.

I got a little hungry mid-blog. Apples are good with ranch dressing. But then again, what isn't?

I found out today that my incommunicato CPM liason recently dissolved his relationship with his church. Should I be worried about this guy?

I hope the fact that I am so stream of consciousness doesn't bother anyone who reads this (all three of you!). The fact of the matter is I'm not writing a paper and I don't need to be all that coherent here. I more or less just write what's on the top of my head until I get tired then I quit.

I'm tired...

Today is sad blog day. John in Pittsburgh blogged about his friends' miscarriage, Kat blogged about not passing all of the ords, there are more posts out there on the article in the NY Times on the state of black men...

It is rainy and windy in San Anselmo. I think I have seasonal affect disorder (SAD). That's the scientific (psychological?) term for when the weather affects your mood. Honestly, I haven't had a bad day. I just feel down because of the weather and alot of my friends (beyond the ones I mentioned) are having life stress.

Our culture teaches us to do whatever we can to not feel sad. I think we need it. I think we need to feel sad. We need to be down on occassion. We fight against our mind and spirit's completely normal reactions to distressing news. I think of some of the biblical expressions of grief: ripping clothes, sackcloth and ashes, all that jazz. People knew how to be sad back then. They knew when it was appropriate.

I have alot of angry music on my itunes. Alot! Some of it would surprise people if they caught me listening to it, but I love it! Sometimes I want to emmerse myself in people expressing genuine rage and angst. I want to hear people who are disappointed with what life has handed them. I'm not a huge fan of blues, but I get it. That's one of the great things about the arts. We can express our "negative" emotions in creative ways.

Sometimes life sucks. We shouldn't have to pretend that it doesn't. Bitch! Moan! Complain! Whine! Scream your favorite obscenity at the top of your lungs! Curse God and your neighbor! Be anti-social!

... and then rebound.

So beginning tomorrow I will officially be on spring break...yea.

Though I appreciate the time out of class, I have two papers and a sermon to write in that time. Not to mention all the random odds and ends I need to take care of.

Still, I'm looking forward to some time to read (for fun) and watch some of the netflix I've had sitting arounfd for awhile. I need a recharge. Odds are I'll spend most of the week watching tv and playing video games. Which is okay, but not necessarily what I need.

I hate that my wife and I don't have the same spring break. She'll be off for a week in mid-april. I wish we could go away for a week. Go to the beach. Get room service. It's not as fun to have time off by yourself. Oh well...

My goal for the week is to finish two books and to watch four movies. One of those goals is realistic. Unfortunately they both become less realistic when paired with each other. I'd also like to take some time to practice my bass this week. Can't do it all.

I'm sleepy....

Can you be a responsible preacher, preaching nothing but grace? This was a question that I briefly debated last evening. Personally, I believe you can. You can talk about sin until you are blue in the face, and many mininsters do, but you always come back to grace...wait, let me personalize that, I will always come back to grace.

I preached from Genesis 4 in my last preaching class. It is the story of Cain and Abel. The theme of my sermon was the difference between what we offer God and what God offers us. Cain, both in his offering and his murder, offered God death. God, in His mercy, offered Cain life.

Grace is, I believe, the theme of the Bible. It has to be when everyone involved in it is a sinner. I thin people have an inherent knowledge of sin. They don't need it preached to them. I'm not saying it shouldn't come up. It should and sometime even in confrontational ways. But if anyone leaves your sermon thinking of their primary identity as "sinner" as opposed to "the one redeemed by Christ" then something went wrong.

The church has been a place of ungrace for far too long. It is time to start erring on the side of grace.

(BTW - this post was also motivated by the fact that I didn't write a post on the 24th and I'm hoping there is grace out there for me!)

Okay, I'm getting to a point where I have to make some decisions. That is, of course, not much fun for me. I'm planning on using next week (spring break whoo hoo!) as time to do some serious discernment.

So what's this all about? Well, I got a letter yesterday saying that I'm excepted into the Graduate Theological Union's (GTU's) Master of the Arts program in Christian Ethics (pending on my taking the GRE and doing okay on it). So now I have to decide; finish out the MDiv program at SFTS or transfer some credits (stay on SFTS' campus) and do an MA in Christian Ethics and Social theory. In a couple of my previous posts, I have talked about my dis-ease with the ordination process and questioning whether I want to be involved in a church. Furthermore, I'm not a fan of Presbyterian Polity. I see its merits. I just feel that if an organization has that many rules it has gotten too big to be effective.

I balance that with a serious desire to preach and teach. This semester I have a preaching class and it is undeniable that I have skills in that area. (Sorry if that came off as cocky) I also have some leadership gifts. I'm pretty good at rallying people around ideas or causes. I always have been. The other side of the skills and gifts coin is that I know I have academic skills. I love to write putting papers together is fun for me. (weird, huh?) My fear is being stuck in academia forever and losing touch with the real world. i know some intellectuals like that. They disturb me.

So do I need to keep going down this either/or route? Part of me says "yes". Right now, I want my life to have a focus, even if it is a temporary focus. I really don't want to be ordained, so I don't know what an MDiv would do for me without the ordination. I don't know...

Keep me in your prayers this week. Ultimately, I want to do whatever is going to bring God the most glory. I want that to stay as my focus.

This is an excerpt from "Shocking, Unexpected Grace" a chapter in the book Stories of Emergence: Moving from Absolute to Authentic. It was written by Jay Bakker, the son of televangelist James Bakker (and Tammy Faye Bakker). He's got a great story, but I wanted to share this part because, for reasons you'll soon recognize, it resonates with me:

If you want to deal with people on a real level, go to a bar.

Every Monday night I go to an English pub. I've gotten to know the people there. They've become my close friends, and I've earned their trust. It took time for them, but in some way, I've impacted their lives...

I've learned not to worry about what other Christians say about me. If no Christian would receive me ever again, I would still go to bars, to those areas where I can get to know people who need grace. I'd do it even if I didn't have ministry credentials.

My pub friends see Christians handing out tracts on the street all the time. They see it as incredibly eerie; it makes them uncomfortable. They say to me, "They're telling us we're sinners and going to hell. See? That's why I'd never be a Christian".

That kind of evangelism makes the Christian feel better, not the people they pray for. To me it's a cop-out. Scripture says God won't raise his voice in the streets or snuff out the smallest hopes. (Isaiah 42:2-3)

The church has to get back to being more practical and offering the radical message of grace. It's not always easy to live by grace. I've come a long way from not knowing grace existed to finally seeing the light, but I'm far from where I need to be. Grace isn't alwasy popular in churches that are uncomfortable with people who don't fit into its molds. People who live in grace may not look like us.

Grace is the whole reason Jesus died! Grace is the ultimate freedom. We can't give our lives to teaching anything less.

Amen!

A couple of friends here entered an essay contest where they were writing about their conceptions of who Jesus was/is. Today they presented their papers in a room full of professors, the seminary president, the dean, and ... well, me. It was a pretty fascinating experience, watching all of these highly educated professors grill fellow students on their views of Jesus' identity. The one paper was on Jesus as a respresentation of motherly love, the other was a very philosophical analysis of Jesus' primary role as a reconciler. Both presentations were very good and thought provoking.

Answering the question "who is Jesus?" is at the heart of what Christians wrestle with. What does it mean to fully human and fully divine? What does it mean to be God's son? The Son of Man? The Messiah? All of the things we say about Christ are hollow unless we put some kind of meaning into them. I like the image of Christ as reconciler and I have also really grown to love the image of Christ loving as only a mother can love, but for me, Jesus' primary identity is that of "Rabbi" - teacher. We often ignore that Jesus was giving us a "how to" for living our lives and that "how to" included ideas of self-sacrificial love. It was also a rejection of oppressive world structures. Even in his death and resurrection Jesus was teaching us. Jesus was teaching us the nature of God. Jesus was teaching what it meant to be human. Jesus was teaching what it meant for the divine and humanity to be in relationship.

Maybe as someone who is selling out to the idea of being an academic, thinking of Christ as the ultimate teacher just appeals to me at this time of my life. But that's where Jesus' life, death, resurrection, and ministry have the most meaning for me right now. I'm interested to hear what others think...

Postmodern Negro (http://postmodernnegro.wordpress.com) has a post up about the plight of African American males in this country. The full article is on New York Times' website. The statistics are overall ery unsettling, but there is one fact that sticks out in my mind. The author mentions that back in the day, African Americans lived in one community despite socio-economic status. Certainly some of that had to do with community segregation, but it also had to do with community period. Now middle class and upper middle class african americans can move to the suburbs when given the opportunity. People like, you know, my parents moved to the suburbs to give their kids (I.e. - me) a leg up in education and the like. So what will I do when Its time to decide where to nest? I'm, of course, making the slightly baseless assumption that Marnie and I will be middle class...

Anywho, I talk alot about working across racial and cultural boundaries. But what about building communities across socioeconomic lines? That's kind of an unnatural question that I've only begun to ruminate on, less known any "musing". If you live in an economically unequal society, you will either create envy and jealousy among those who have less, the richer will somehow "oppress" the poorer, or (the more likely situation knowing my wife and I) the person with the greater amount of resources will pressed upon and have to continually give of themselves. That sounds to me like what Christ would do. It also sounds ridiculously hard.

In gospels we were talking about the passage in Matthew 18 about the kingdom of heaven really being a lesson in church ethics. The greek suggests that the "little ones" doesn't necessarily have to be children, but it could also be the "little ones" in your community; the weaker, the poorer, the more gullable, the more naive, etc... It assumes that you will have those among you. Not just in your isolated worship fortress, but in the community where you actually live. That puts responsibility on those of you (us) that have advantages in this world to give back to our communities, even when its inconvenient.

Jesus never lets us off the hook, does he?

On almost all the other blogs I read, the word "musings" is used to describe what the author is doing in their blog. I don't personally think that I muse very much. I have tried at times to get my muse on, but it always seems artificial...

Anyway, this weekend marks the third anniversary of the war in Iraq. I remember having a beer in Applebee's with my friend Nate and watching "Shock and Awe" happen. At the time, I hadn't fully formed by opinions on the war or on our President (other than having not voted for him), but I was certain that the war would be brief like the first Iraq war I had lived through.

Fast forward to today. I have definite feelings about the war and the president. In neither case are the feelings positive. The war was ill-advised. It has diverted resources from domestic programs that desperately need up keep, it has ruined the US's image internationally, it has cost the lives of thousands of US troops and countless Iraqis. All of this while asking very little from the rich of this country. No, instead they get tax breaks. Tax breaks! During a war! AHHH!!!!

This weekend has been full of anti-war protests. I wonder if the President cares about how much he has polarized the country. I wonder if he cares that he has given the Christian faith another black eye.

Oh, and speaking of giving Christianity a black eye, Fred Phelps was organizing a protest at a killed soldiers funeral. He claims that the deaths from the Iraq war are God's punishment for the country's stance on homosexuality. In case you are not familiar with Mr. Phelps, he is the sick fuck who protested outside of Mr. Rogers' funeral saying that Mr. Rogers was in hell for not condemning gay people. AHHH!!!

My Bonhoeffer devotional had a section in it about praying for your enemies the other day. He said that those prayers do for your enemy what they cannot do for themselves. I suppose that's true. It's a way of showing solidarity with fellow creations of God. When I think about my enemy, I don't think about Iraqis. Or "the terrorists". I think about people like Fred Phelps. Sometimes I think about people like W. Its hard to pray for them. They misrepresent our faith at every turn. Jesus made a point of not condemning people. Phelps makes a point of condemning people. Jesus established an ethic of nonretaliation. Bush lives by an ethic of an eye for an eye. These are the people that God wants me to have solidarity with. These are the ones I need to pray for.

God, give me the strength to pray for my enemies!

No, Ted is not a person. Well, yes , Ted is a person. But it is not actually Ted I miss. No, it is Ted's. Ted's was a bar in San Anselmo where my friends and I spent many a Friday night. It closed around the first of the year, right after "the flood". Ironically, I don't think Ted's took any damage from the flood, so I guess it was just a coincidence.

Since Ted's closed, we do more hanging out at people's apartments, we spend less on alcohol, and we probably have a better time. For whatever reason, though, I've started to miss it. It was "our" place. Many of my fondest memories (and a couple of things I can't remember) are from Ted's. It was nice having a relatively okay bar within walking distance. Now if we go to a bar, it feels like we're "going out". I don't like going out!

I didn't mean to have this post be all alcohol related, but there is something else I miss that has to do with alcohol: namely "beer and theology". B&T was my theology professor's way of luring us to the student lounge to talk about the things we were reading and studying in his systematic theology classes. We had it for two semesters. I'm not sure why beer enhances theological discussions, but it does. Perhaps its just the honesty that comes out. It was good to hear someone say in the midst of the session that there was a long held, time-honored church doctrine that they just couldn't swallow. It was honest. We wrestled with the Niebuhrs and Tillich and Gutierrez, and Calvin... it was fun.

I have joked alot with people about opening a bar. It's really only half a joke. Maybe not even half. I'd like to own a place where that kind of conversation could be held on a regular basis over a good brew. (responsibly, of course!) Someday, I hope...

Alas, a post I had on here twice is now gone altogether. For some reason it had posted twice and then when I tried to delete one of the posts it wouldn't go, then I deleted again and lost both. So sad...

I am, however, going to attribute the loss of yesterday's post to an act f God as it wasn't the best thought out post. I will blog again on the same subject soon.

As for today, I had a neat experience that I wanted to write about. One of the recent joys I have had here is proofreading papers for Korean students. (SFTS, if you didn't know has a sizeable Korean population). I proofread a paper tonight then had a brief chat with the paper's writer. She asked me how I was enjoying school, and for some reason I was very honest with her and said "I am ready to be done". We both talked about issues that we have with the school and we realized that they were many of the same issues. As she explained to me, the Presbyterian Church in Korea that attended has 50,000 members (does the PC(USA) have 50,000 members total? - just kidding) She said it was more theologically conservative and that there was alot of emphasis on the Holy Spirit. She feels that her current seminary experience isn't really teaching her how to do ministry in a church and that many of the things she is learning she can't preach to a congregation.

It was then that realized the truth: I am Korean.

Okay, maybe not. But it isn't it interesting that non-white students don't feel comfortable at a liberal, traditional Presbyterian seminary? Anyway, we had a nice conversation and realized we had alot in common. That's always fun. I also very much enjoy reading her writing. Some of the nuts and bolts of english writing haven't been mastered yet, but her writing has depth and soul.

I wrote my final paper for church hustory II on the similarities between the development of the african american church and the Korean church. It's amazing how the marginalized communicate their faith in similar ways.

Maybe I'm more Korean than I think...

After today, I have gone through two different one day fasts for the lenten season. I just wanted to write a couple of thoughts about the experience.

My parents' church emphasizes fasting alot. therefore, I've had alot of experience doing it. When I used to fast, I focused on what God would do for me (either in physical situations or in my spirit) because I was fasting. As I got older, fasting was something I started to do to help me make big decisions. Fasting seems different now. When I fast now, I have a hard time not thinking about people for whom hunger is a perpetual problem. I know that I am fasting out of choice and usually surrounded by lets of easily accessible food. There is some guilt for me now when I fast. I hate that feeling.

Some time ago, someone said to me that when you fast your body feels what your spirit feels when it is not being nourished. My spirit must feel awful! It might be ready to pass out. We had a chapel service this evening and all I could think about was how much I miss God. Imagine if I were to spend a year and a half talking about how important my wife was to me; I write well thought out papers about her, I analyze the historical and social circumstances that existed when she said certain things, I develop deep philosophies about her nature, yet I don't spend time with her. Partially because all of my study of her has made me see her in a new light and I don't know how to deal with her on these new terms. (That was all an analogy by the way. Marnie and I are fine!) My point is that is where I am with God right now. Maybe that's what fasting brought out for me today.

I miss God and I don't know how to reconnect. My spirit is starving and I'm not sure how to feed it.

I don't feel great right now. I'm ridiculously busy and that does not include my actual coursework. I'm helping plan Wednesday evening services for lent (and possibly beyond), I'm coordinating a race discussion group which met tonight, I'm trying to figure out my future: whether to stay in an MDiv program or switch to an MA...oh, and then there's school.

I promised in an earlier post that I would write about my doing a Ph.D. program. Well, long story short (cause I'm tired) one of my professor's said that he believed I could do well in a doctoral program. He hesitated to do that because, knowing the need for good pastors (his words, not mine), he wasn't sure he wanted to lead me away from an M.Div and ordination. I guess with my hangups about ordination, it has lead to a perfect storm of reconsidering my academic and professional future. The switch to an MA is part of that reconsideration. (BTW, the aforementioned prof. wrote a recommendation for the MA program that nearly made me blush. I was flattered and humbled)

Anyway, I don't want to ignore a call to ministry. I know God led me out here and I know I have pastoral gifts. I've also come to recognize that I have academic gifts as well. There is something exciting about the idea of teaching and writing in an academic setting. I just don't want to get detatched from reality and "real" ministry. ( I know that distinction is arbitrary). I just want to be where God can use me most. Is that so much to ask?

One of the problems of reading Bonhoeffer's work in a devotional is that I get small snippets taken out of context everyday. Somedays I have to wrestle with a concept for a day only to find that the thing I was wrestling with is addressed the next. The paradox I deal with today goes beyond the reading, it goes into Bonhoeffer's actual life. The past couple of days I have been reading about the defeat of evil coming through its endurance and not through its opposition. This is a hard enough concept to deal with. For most of us, especially the social justice-minded of us, the opposition of evil is oftentimes a natural preoccupation, sometimes it is even seen as an imperative. In today's reading, from A Testament to Freedom, he talks about how not resistng evil is not condoning its right to exist. Okay, but it is hard to see how it is not.

But here's the real problem; the problem we all face as people who rarely practice what we preach. Bonhoeffer lent his talent and energy to the opposition of what many consider the greatest evil to walk the earth, embodied in the form of Adolf Hitler. It has been documented that Bonhoeffer lived the remainder of his life with guilt over his part in conspiracies to assassinate Hitler (which, of course, ultimately failed). Was what Bonhoeffer did right? Is this a matter of 'do as I say, not as I do'?

Here's the thing: given the options, Bonhoeffer felt like he had no choice but to defy one of his deepest convictions. Isn't that scary?! Unsettling?! Most of us live our lives with deep principles that we would put down on paper, but when the rubber meets the road, many of our choices involve choosing the lesser of two evils. That's how I've voted in the last two presidential elections! In theory, I agree with Dietrich. Opposition of evil just breeds more evil. instead we are to overcome evil with Good. Still, there are some evils that I bet we will never stop opposing, for better or for worse.

My OT professor from last year is in the San Francisco Bach Choir. Marnie and I went to hear them last night. It was really amazing.

I realized that I had made a glaring omission on my profile. I love Bach and he is probably one of my favorite musicians, if not my favorite. I played string bass in my high school orchestra. Through most of high school it was just a relatively easy class that made me "well rounded", but my last year we started playing alot of baroque music especially Bach. I really enjoyed it and it made me start taking music and its role in my life more seriously.

Last night was a great reminder of the power of music. Though the majority of the program was in German (possibly the best use of German ever!), a tone of worship still comes through the music. Bach's autograph on all of his pieces was "to the glory of God". He wrote music for every liturgical event on the Lutheran calender (last night's program said that meant about 59 occasions) and consistently did a high quality of work. That is something that I very much respect in an artist. People like Bach or Hitchcock who can be prolific and still keep their quality high impress me.

I commented to Marnie that I thought the program, especially the first half, was incredibly worshipful. She was surprised, given my preference for more of an "emergent", rock style of worship. The similarity to me is that it wasn't stale. The singers were expressive in their tones and in their bodies. the music had a life and took off! Reading the translations of the cantatas (of course provided by my former Prof.) the texts were pretty much taken directly from scripture. I suppose if we ever did traditional hymns in a way that didn't seem like rote, then maybe I would feel the same way about them. Actually I've been to places where hymns are enlivened and embodied and I loved it. I guess my point is, for something to be worship, it has to hae energy. If it doesn't then maybe you don't understand what you're singing. Or maybe you're the one person God hasn't been good to...

On postmodern negro I noticed that Gordon Parks died. For many people that name will be unfamiliar. If he is familiar at all it is for the original Shaft or perhaps the The Learning Tree. I really became familiar with Gordon Parks' work at a gathering I attended with my sister at Carnegie Music Hall in Oakland (Pittsburgh) a couple of years ago. The gathering was honoring the work of both Parks and Harry Belafonte. It honored both their pioneering works in their respective arts (Parks: film, photography; Belafonte: music, acting) but also the various roles they played in raising social consciousness and providing leadership in the african american community.

Tony Smith mentions on his website that it is hard to overlook the passing of many prominent african americn figures over the past few months, most noticeably Rosa Parks and Coretta Scott King. It makes me wonder where the next prominent leadership in the African American community will come from. Is that even a viable question anymore? Much of what I have been reading lately has pointed me to the counterproductive nature of waiting for the next MLK Jr. or even the next Malcolm X. Those men served a purpose in their time and circumstance. The times have changed and new kinds of leaders are required. I'm grateful that their are still people like Cornel West in the world at this moment.

I keep hoping that at some point strong leadership will come fron the african american faith community as it once did. While I know there are community minded servants out there on the streets even now (and I know some of them) what has happened to so many black preachers is that they have succumbed to televangelist mentality and prosperity gospel preaching. I was shocked listening to the daughter of MLK Jr. and Coretta Scott King speaking at her mother's funeral. She sounds as if she has bought into prosperity preaching hook, line, and sinker. I wonder how her father would feel about that. I see people like T.D. Jakes, "Bishop" Eddie Long, and (my personal favorite) Creflo Dollar (can't be his real name, can it?) on tv and want to vomit. Sorry for the strong wording, but I grew up in a church that teaches prosperity gospel and I feel like it entraps people. I do have very strong feelings about it because I see what it does to my family.

I pray for a black leader to come forward and lead the country in issues of justice, peace, and equality, not just prosperity. I pray that person comes from the faith community, but right now, I would settle for someone like Barak Obama taking up that role. You're probably reading this saying "Derrick, maybe that person is you".

To which I would respond, "well, maybe things aren't that bad after all" ...

Another movie I'm really excited about for this summer is another film based on a Marvel comic: X3: Last Stand. I've really liked the last two X-Men movies (though I disapprove of the names X2 and X3). They did a great job of making a story about mutants seemed grounded in reality. There's a new trailer for the movie on apple and imdb.

For those who may not know, the X-Men were created in the late '60's and were supposed to be a very loose analogy for the civil rights movement. The main story is about mutants with special powers trying to co-exist with normal humans. Professor X, the leader of the X-Men, is supposed to be a stand-in for a Martin Luther King Jr. character. He is working towards the peaceful co-existence of mutants and humans. On the other end is Magneto, the Malcolm X, by any means necessary, kind of character. They developed the story that Magneto's family had been the victims of another form of discrimination during the holocaust and now as an adult experiencing discrimination lashes out in violent ways.

The metaphor is, as I mentioned, very loose. Still, there is a power in that kind of storytelling. The first two films did a very good job of drawing the parallels between the fictional world and current racial issues. The strength of the story is what has made them successful more than anything else. I'm hoping they don't get away from that in this new one.

AHHH!!! Tonight's post will probably be very short. I have two really bad blisters, one on my index finger and one on my middle on my right hand. These aren't bad blisters, though, they are good blisters. I got them today in chapel from playing my bass. I haven't been keeping up with my practicing and I actually had to play something with a pretty driving bass line. The blisters will become callouses and I will rock once more! I love to play! I'm self taught so I'm not so good. Someday I will get lessons. I like it when you actually vibe with the other musicians around you and everything just seems to go. That's an amazing feeling! I loved playing at the Open Door in Pittsburgh! That was a great group of musicians that I was humbled and honored to play with. I've been blessed to play with some very talented people. That is grace; someone eles's virtuousity actually bringing up your own level of play! Ahhh, my frickin fingers...

For the second weekend in a row, Tyler Perry's Madea's Family Reunion is the highest grossing film of the week. Analysts, according to Internet Movie Database (www.imdb.com), say that the strength of the film's receipts has to do with the support of "church-going black women". Now I'll be honest, I didn't see this film or the previous of Tyler Perry's films, 'Diary of a Mad Black Woman'. Nor have I had any desire to see either. But I have to say that I am encouraged that such a niche market has that kind of economic force in our country. "Church-goers" have proven their power at the box office before with "The Passion of the Christ" and even "The Chronicles of Narnia". It is intersting to me that African Americans have that kind of economic power especially on the pre-Oscar weekend. Still, this doesn't seem like the best use of our economic strength in the public sphere. It used to be that African American christians rallied around a cause, not a film. Especially not a film about a guy in drag (not that there's anything wrong with that). Let's face it, when Christainity flexes its muscles by showing how it can make a film studio rich, well, that's not a Christ honoring use of our energy and resources. I don't want to be known as the guy or the community that made Mel Gibson, Adam Adamson (Narnia), or Tyler Perry rich. I'd rather be known as the community that does kindness, loves justice and walks humbly with our God. But that's just me.

The March 4th post on postmodern negro raised some pretty important questions. I'll only take time to deal with one right now. The issue at hand is the continual use of white theologians and white theological terms in conversations about around the emerging church community. It raises a couple of very important questions:

First, can the emergent conversation exist in the terms of black theology? Maybe a better way of phrasing that is can black theological concepts be integrated with emerging theology (if there is such a thing). The issue of exposure comes into question. I was only introduced to black theology here at SFTS and mostly by white professors (with good intentions and great hearts). The problem with much of it, at least as represented by the figures such as James Cone is the exclusivity of some of the language (I.e. "God is black") That's difficult verbage to get used to without considering the intentionality that came along with Cone's making that statement. How much are white theological students (or even "armchair theologians" ) exposed to the writings of black theology? The post makes the comment that people of color are invited to the emergent conversation provided that they use the lexicon of white theologians. Isn't that another form of power and control? Certainly, though the vast majority of published and renowned theologians are white, theologians of color have vital things to say to and for the church.

Here's my second question: can a gathering of people that is primarily white, educated, and affluent use the language of liberation theology with any kind of integrity? I expand my conversation now to the likes of Gustavo Gutierrez, a latin american theologian who wrote in the midst of political strife. I guess a better wording is should the emerging church movement use the language of theologians of color when people of color are underrepresented in the movement's ranks?

I'm interested in opening up the conversation about the multiculturalness (or lack thereof) of the emerging church. I commented on John Creasy's blog that I believe that the number of non-white Christians in the emerging movement is small because it happened as a response/reaction to modernity and we approach modernity from different vantage points. As african americans, we did not reap the benefits of modernity. That is a reality that missional/emerging churches will have to come to terms with.

I've been reading a devotional called 'A Year With Dietrich Bonhoeffer'. It has been really enlightening, but also really challenging. Of course, so much of Bonhoeffer's writing comes in the context of World War II and the most extreme of world events. He emphasizes edificatious nature of suffering in his writing. That's a hard topic to wrap your mind around in a culture that does everything it can to avoid or numb pain. Today's reading was about perseverence. He discusses how peresverence literally means to "remain underneath; without throwing off the load". Its about bearing our cross as Christ did. "God's peace is found with those who persevere" and grow stronger under the weight.

We finished talking about Mark in Gospels today. I really enjoy my professors comments, but I think they are rather controversial. He translates the greek phrase that is normally translated as 'Son of Man' as 'Son of the Human Being'. Technically there is nothing wrong with that. The word used in the phrase is 'anthropos' which is person, not man. No problem there. He then goes onto say that the 'Son of the Human Being', in light of Daniel 7, is a corporate reality, not just Jesus alone. 'Son of the Human Being' is actually the new kind of human being that lives under the new moral order inaugarated by the cross. In other words, that means us too. Try going through the gospel of Mark real quick and doing a search for 'Son of Man' and interpret that in that light. It makes alot of difference!

Today, my Super Bowl XL champions dvd arrived! My in-laws also sent us some news papers from before and after the Super Bowl that also arrived today! What a great day to get the mail! I watched the dvd immediately. What a great season! The dvd made this year seem like the Jerome Bettis story, which in some ways it was. I'd really like us to win a Super Bowl with Roethlisberger as the game's MVP. I love that guy!

'Crash' won best picture tonight. I was pretty shocked and very pleased. I really didn't see any of the other nominees, but 'Crash' was an incredibly powerful film and a story that still needs to be told in our country. I really had planned on writing on the cultural impact of 'Brokeback Mountain' winning best picture, but I guess I don't get to do that. Ah well...

In other Oscar news...some other people won some other awards. Honestly, I didn't care much about the awards this year. I didn't see alot of movies last year and most of the ones I saw weren't up for many (if any) awards. The same thing happened last year. I still haven't seen 'Million Dollar Baby' or 'The Aviator'. They are on my netflix list though.

I feel like I'm becoming more detatched from the side of me that wanted to be a filmmaker. I don't like that. I still hope to make a film at some point in my life. I really enjoy the process, especially editing (which apparently makes me weird). It's a very communal process. I hate that I'm not watching movies the way I used to. Part of the problem is that it is just easier to watch tv. I don't have tons of time to watch and invest in a movie. Second, in some ways, tv has become a better art form. Not all tv, mind you, but in reaction to the fear of the medium being taken over by reality tv, really good scripted (or openly scripted!) shows have emerged. Shows like the American version of 'The Office', 'My Name is Earl', 'Lost', '24', etc...Sure, there is still plenty of crap, but tv is having a mini-renaissance.

I wonder some times if it is just my pride that wants to make a film. I'll never win a Super Bowl. I'll probably never be WWE champion (not that that was ever really a personal goal), but the door is still open to make a film that I would get recognition for. In some ways, that has caused me to distance myself from that particular desire, I don't want to do things that are just for my own recognition. The more I think about it, though, there is also plenty of hubris to be used in ministry work.

I'm tired and I'm rambling. The bottom line is that I don't want to abandon the part of me that loves film and not just as a pasttime. I also don't want to make 'Left Behind 6 - Really Left Behind'.

Tonight Marnie and I had a conversation about my getting ordained. I really struggle with the issue. The standards for the PC(USA) are prohibitive and exclusive. It is virtually impossible without a certain level of education and money. I know that life would be simpler in some ways if I just jump through the hoops, but the closer I get to them the less I want to jump. The call to ministry comes from God, not an institution. If said institution puts up barriers to someone pursuing their call then it is impeding the work of God.

I suppose if my roots were in the PC(USA) I would be more inclined to lean towards the ordination. To be honest, there was alot I didn't know about the Presbyterian church before I came here. I identified myself more with particular ministries (The Open Door and the Pittsburgh Project) more than I identified with the denomination. After a year and a half of seeing how the organization works, I'm less interested in being a cog in the machine.

Adding to this is the feeling I have had over the last few months that I can't see myself in a traditional parish role. I know people get ordained in non-traditional roles all the time. I also know that in many people's minds ordination adds legitimacy to their ministry. I don't know about that.

I haven't closed the door on ordination. This is how I feel right now. I know I have a call and God-given ministry gifts and skills. Ordination could mean job security, but shouldn't it mean more?

I just got a cd of John Coltrane playing with Thelonious Monk at Carnegie Hall. If you're not into jazz, take my word for it when I say that this is a big deal! A master pianist and a master sax player in one of the world's great concert halls. I'm listening to it now and it is genius! It's like each one is trying to keep up with the other's improvisational brilliance and they are bringing out the besty in each other. (there's a sermon in there smoewhere!) It's so great! I like jazz because I think it is like life. People (especially us religious types) treat life like classical music: Here's the score, do it this way. Instead it should be: here's the melody. Now make it sound like you. That's jazz!

...despite all of my bitching, I do have good days here. Today was one of them. Some interesting discussions were held in my early classes (exegesis and gospels), but mostly I was blessed by my preaching class. I feel really privileged to hear my friends'/colleagues' sermons. I've been amazed at their quality. My own sermon went very well today. I know it was the Holy Spirit because it felt very flat and uninspired on paper. I love that when we give God our best, even among our weakness, that grace makes things happen.

I want to post a quote from one of my textbooks. it is concerning the significance of the eucharist and the "cleansing of the temple":

"The meaning of 'last supper,' then, actually evolved over a series of meals after jesus' occupation of the Temple. During that period, Jesus claimed that wine and bread were a better sacrifice than what was offered in the Temple (he's referring to the animals being sold for sacrifice by the moneychangers): At least the wine and bread were Israel's own, not tokens of priestly dominance. No wonder the opposition to him, even among the twelve (i.e. Judas), became deadly. In essence, Jesus made his meals into a rival altar, and we may call such a reading of his words a ritual or cultic interpretation"

Bruce Chilton "Traditio-Historical Criticism and Study of Jesus" from Hearing the New Testament

Chilton's observations struck me as significant this morning. It's a rethinking of two major Gospel events. It is ironic to me, however, that Jesus was challenging the oppressive control of the religious establishment in his time and to honor Him we created an oppressive religious establishment.

Another intersting thought coming both through my exegesis class and gospels class is the idea of why Jesus needed to be baptized in the Gospel of Mark. From our reading of the Gospel, Jesus became the adopted son of God only at his baptism. You'll note that Mark doesn't include the virgin birth. So why did Jesus need to be baptized in Mark? The text makes it seem that Jesus had sins to repent of and to get baptized for. How does that sit? Could you preach that? If you were doing an adult ed. class on Mark, would you teach that? Those questions are kinda directed at me, but if you've got answers...

Spiderman 3. Only 14 months away!

It is raining cats and dogs right now. This is California! It's not supposed to rain!

Anyway... I'm taking a class called Spiritual Life and Leadership. It's not as appealing as the title makes it out to be. We are studying Quaker clearness committees. Basically, it is about sitting in a silent circle and asking a particular focus person questions to help them with discernment. Today, I was the focus person. My issue was thinking about doing a Ph. D. program, a topic I will write more on at another time. There were some interesting questions asked of me, but nothing earth shattering. While I agree that helping people in their discernment processes is a big part of spiritual leadership, I was expecting more from the class.

So what is spiritual leadership? How does one qualify as a spirtual leader? How does one learn to be a spiritual leader? Was that something else i was doing before i got to seminary? If that is the case, what's the point of seminary?

In addition to my clearness committee experience today, I am also thinking of spiritual leadership in light of my marriage. I feel like I'm failing at the job of being the spiritual leader of my household. There are people at my seminary who would frown upon me even using that language. I know Marnie is feeling my lack of leadership. Right now, I don't feel like I have much to give in the realm of spiritual leadership. I've lost alot of my former disciplines; I don't pray as much, I don't study the Bible unless I'm actually studying the Bible, I have no desire to fast (I used to all the time)...

But are those things really what spiritual leadership is all about? Helping people to pray more, study more, fast more? Maybe in part. But shouldn't there also be a component of spiritual leadership that shows us how to be human? How to live in light of grace? I think part of my problem right now is that I have forgotten how to connect to the divine. In my pre-seminary days, the Bible was a huge part of that for me. Now there couldn't be anything less divine to me than the Bible.

Seminary is supposed to be making me a more complete spiritual leader. So far, I've learned how to be a presbyter, a performer, a liturgist, an exegete (whatever the hell that is), a theologian, and a scholar. What does genuine spiritual leadership look like?